"Well for starters, you're definitely not alone with this feeling, that first sentence sums up all the negatives of the last few weeks pretty nicely; the last few months seem to have been a sadistic math equation: stress+work+expectations+exhaustion=time for a change. I can relate to the fact that the roles of schoolwork and homework have sort of flip-flopped, where I learn at home and school is where I decompress all the information and check for understanding. I can't say I'm a fan of this change, and I'd much rather have things revert back to the way they were in the past because I've noticed I feel a lot more pressured now. When I have to be the teacher, there's no one else to blame if I don't have a basic understanding of the material since that's my responsibility now. Furthermore, this pressure seems to demand a much bigger time and thought investment than I've ever had to give to school, and while I understand that's just a part of getting older, I've been pushed to become more concise and practical because of it. When I was reading this post, I realized how much your two points (about self-driven teaching, and conciseness) go hand in hand
To cut down on the ever-building amount of work we seem to be assigned, I've had to go through a sort of personal scientific revolution/evaluation (I suppose I have learned something in class). I've asked myself "what really works?" in terms of how much should I invest in a particular class, assignment, or thought in an attempt to maximize reward for my efforts. It hasn't taken me long to find out that I'll never really be able to cut down on that much, I think I'm already to far down the life path of being innately busy, but this more pragmatic mindset where I filter out the worthless thoughts and focus on the brilliant ones seems to be helping me channel my thoughts in the right direction, and if nothing else giving me mental closure that I can be smart. Usually. I'm glad to see that you brought up keeping an open mind at the end, because I've also realized it to be a vital step in getting the most out of school. While class might not be held in the same way it has been over the past nine years, being open and absorbent to everything that is thrown your way during school definitely helps you get the most out of it. Now, more than ever before, school has been teaching me to keep my mind open, because while what you're being told in class may not directly apply to the paper you have to write later that night, you never know when knowledge will come in handy or be useful, so maybe I'm in fact closer to the mindset I had on my first day first grade "understand as much as I possibly can". I've gotten too caught up in just completing the next assignment, it's refreshing to know that schools not just about that, and maybe I'm getting more out of it than I could've imagined, I just don't know it yet" - (from Charlie's blog)
"Atticus, I feel like I've been in a similar situation over the first semester. I reflected on how good I'd become at the "school game" prior to this year in my first semester final (by "school game" I mean knowing when and how to pretend like I care and fake emotion just for the sake of getting an A) and it was shocking to see how apathetic and lazy I'd become towards schoolwork, but at the same time relieving recognizing that I'd finally identified the problem within myself. Beyond just being dissatisfied with the way I went about schoolwork though, I more recently have become dissatisfied with school itself, I feel like I'm not getting nearly as much out of it as I used to. While I probably have a similar problem that you've identified, not wanting to put in the work and effort to extract what I'm looking to get out of school because of arrogance, laziness or whatever other reason, I've had to ask myself "am I really willing to invest a large amount of my time and effort into every single class and assignment?" No, seems to be the answer that automatically jumps out at me, but then I have to ask myself "then how do I expect to extract meaning or lessons or whatever I'm looking for out of these classes and assignments?" I think what I've settled upon lately is simply that I have to choose my battles.
I want to learn and be amazed at the stuff I see at school like I used to be throughout grade school, but to get back to that mindset, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of that responsibility falls on me. To use an old saying (and one of my favorite '90s pop songs), "You Get What You Give." Part of the reason I've become dissatisfied with school lately is because I think it's become dissatisfied with me. While my grades have been relatively fine (good enough for me at least), I don't walk out of school feeling amazed and knowledgeable like I used to. Obviously there are more important things than grades when it comes to school, and I think I need to reevaluate my priorities and be willing to put the work and thought I know I'm capable of into classes and assignments that I want to really teach me something. I think what you were getting at, Atticus, (and what I agree with) is that I have to abandon the idea with being kay with complacency, and really use all of my ability to work hard and do well. I'm not sure if the results I'm looking for, which are essentially just learning and absorbing knowledge to a level that actually intrigues me, are guaranteed, but I'll no doubt be prouder of the way this mindset represents me in school and hopefully the work I put in will be reciprocated and I'll walk out of school feeling enlightened and enthralled by education. Something like that. I do recall Mr. Allen saying something not long ago that really made every minute homework assignment seem a little more worthwhile, something along the lines of "a great liberal arts education is achieved by understanding as much as you can about as much as you can" (that's not a direct quote), but that helps me think that what I'm doing is important, interesting, and well worth my effort to share my own thoughts, because it will all pay-off and be reciprocated some day, in some way. And that's pretty cool" - (from Atticus's blog)
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