In response to Katy's "Dialectics" post about adversity vs. prosperity and how the delicate balance between them makes neither seem as attractive as the combination of the two.
You raise an interesting point when saying that prosperity isn't necessarily what people strive for, but more so the attaining of prosperity. It's interesting to see that people sometimes even prefer to face adversity just to be able to claim its victory after overcoming it. The thought of this makes me think of the phrase "take the high road" or "take the road less travelled," knowing that the reward at the end will justify any suffering that may have been incurred in the process. It sounds nice and noble to think this way, but when you consider your other option, sitting in comfortable content, it makes you wonder why anyone would ever choose adversity. That is until you have something like the movie the Matrix to show us that no matter the circumstances, people will always be able to find discontent and unhappiness, despite the fact that something deliberately tried to eliminate these from life. It may be that people are naturally inclined to seek dissatisfaction, but for what reason is the important question raised. Is it that we're prone to misery, and can't accept a life of guaranteed prosperity, or is it that we prefer to know our troubles well and overcome them naturally to achieve our deserved prosperity? I'd like to believe the latter, but nonetheless, it is interesting to see this dynamic of adversity and prosperity, and how they dually affect people in a (hopefully) symbiotic way
In response to Matthew's "Inconvenient Truth" detailing how the United States' (particularly charitable organizations like Invisible Children) intervention in crises in Central Africa is seen as western imperialism meddling in African affairs to some, while it comes off as completely justified and the right thing to do in other people's eyes
For starters, it's always interesting to see the many shades and lenses different people have for viewing the world and global affairs; what's charity for some is just short of aggression to others. That being said, when there are such opposing view like those brought up on polarized sides of the world, I usually find that the real story, or the most accurate way to perceive a situation is to find the shade of grey. In this case, we'd have be able to see that the actions taken by Invisible Children may seem a little intrusive to proud Central Africans who know the West's history of trying to control their affairs. While our motives have drastically shifted, from the land-grabbing brutes from 150 years ago, to upstanders for human rights, the fact is we are deliberately engaging in foreign matter that doesn't directly concern us as a country. That being said, the Africans should realize our shift and discern a helping (or maybe just concerned) hand from imperialism. Is it our duty to introduce our American muscles into an African conflict? Absolutely not. It would seem far worse, however, if we recognized a problem and stood idly by when we knew we could at least attempt to help stop it. Of course, I have a sort of skewed perspective myself, it would seem rude and un-called-for if the French all of a sudden decided to give every homeless person in America $100. So is it better to respect their nationalistic beliefs, or protect what we view as international human rights? The fact that the two are even confused sure is inconvenient, but from the outsider's point of view (seeing as I myself am in no position to make any executive decisions on the matter) I guess I can appreciate the fact that to make an informed and considerate decision, we have to be able to acknowledge the other sides point of view, and respect it to the extent that it needs to be respected. So maybe a few less 30 minute short films would help our cause, but with or without them, I suppose our first priority is always to do what's right. So long as it is right...
May 13, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Dialectics: Man vs. Machine
Throughout the course of history it seems like it's always been man's natural tendency to build machines to make life easier. for the most part, man has succeeded in doing just that with inventions that make the basic needs of life (food, water, shelter, etc.) much easier to attain, and at a progressively higher value. This seems all fine and dandy, but the Matrix illustrates what happens when man's machines become advanced enough to turn the tables, becoming the builders of man, and blurring the line that distinguishes the two from one another.
As technology advances, humans have progressively relied on its benefits and found it more of a necessary component of life than ever before. The Matrix shows that, while the humans built artificially intelligent machines, it was these machines that built the Matrix itself, and they clearly dominate it when inside. To contend with, and even survive in the Matrix, Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus require special skills and abilities that are downloaded into the through a computer program, not learned and developed over time through skill and practice (the 'ol fashion way). Man becomes increasingly dependent on machines, so much so that they need them just to survive against other machines they've built. Meanwhile, machines gain their independence and seek out humans only to sever their last ties to their original creators.
The sentient machines are driven by the last threat the humans have over them: the power to shut them down. The search for the "free" humans (Neo, Trinity, Morpheus & Co.), both in the Matrix and outside of it is fueled by the knowledge that Morpheus has the access codes that threaten the existence and power of the machines; the last remnants of the original human-machine relationship, where machines were subservient to their creators. Each "race" wields some sort of power of the other, forcing them into the sort of deadlock we see in the film, but it's questionable as to who has the upper hand in this fight, and what the success of one side means for the other. As their interdependencies flourish, their similarities also seem to become more noticeable, making it seem like, while man and machine have reached the point of trying to destroy each other, they also exist inside of each other more so than ever before.
Almost all of the humans in the movie have some sort of plug in their head that connects them to the Matrix, but also gives off the impression that they themselves are machinelike, and require a physical connection to computers to exist in the Matrix. Beyond the robotic hardware in their bodies, humans like Neo and Morpheus don sunglasses and sleek black clothing, concealing their human characteristics and making them look more like their mechanized opponents.
The machines also steal from their opponents' image, appearing as "agents" who blend in with the humans in the Matrix. Due to how advanced these machines are, they've even adopted aspects of human emotion, especially evident in Agent Smith's speech to Morpheus detailing his hatred for the Matrix. Using passionate and emotion charged words, Agent Smith seems more like a human than Morpheus does at this point, making it difficult for an outsider to tell which one is which.
By taking a closer look at the current and projected relationship of man and machine, the film begs the question, "can one really exist without the other?" The humans have become so reliant on machine service, will they ever be able to go back to life without it? And the machines are still owned by their master (humans), but for how much longer? Is it actually possible for the creator to be enslaved by his own creation, or will the original master-servant roles always exist in some form? Fortunately, the film suggest the latter; Neo eventually gains the ability to defeat the Agents with ease, and at the end of the movie he explains how he has faith in people's ability to rise up against their mechanized oppressors. It does make you question if this world will have a different outcome though; how long will it be instead of giving us directions on where we're going, our iPhones give us directions on what we're doing. It's sort of frightening to think about, but like Neo, I guess I have faith in humans' ability to exist without machines. It's an interesting point in history when we have to consider building less intelligent machines, because threats like the Matrix are becoming all too possible. That's just science fiction though. (Right?)
May 6, 2012
As technology advances, humans have progressively relied on its benefits and found it more of a necessary component of life than ever before. The Matrix shows that, while the humans built artificially intelligent machines, it was these machines that built the Matrix itself, and they clearly dominate it when inside. To contend with, and even survive in the Matrix, Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus require special skills and abilities that are downloaded into the through a computer program, not learned and developed over time through skill and practice (the 'ol fashion way). Man becomes increasingly dependent on machines, so much so that they need them just to survive against other machines they've built. Meanwhile, machines gain their independence and seek out humans only to sever their last ties to their original creators.
The sentient machines are driven by the last threat the humans have over them: the power to shut them down. The search for the "free" humans (Neo, Trinity, Morpheus & Co.), both in the Matrix and outside of it is fueled by the knowledge that Morpheus has the access codes that threaten the existence and power of the machines; the last remnants of the original human-machine relationship, where machines were subservient to their creators. Each "race" wields some sort of power of the other, forcing them into the sort of deadlock we see in the film, but it's questionable as to who has the upper hand in this fight, and what the success of one side means for the other. As their interdependencies flourish, their similarities also seem to become more noticeable, making it seem like, while man and machine have reached the point of trying to destroy each other, they also exist inside of each other more so than ever before.
Almost all of the humans in the movie have some sort of plug in their head that connects them to the Matrix, but also gives off the impression that they themselves are machinelike, and require a physical connection to computers to exist in the Matrix. Beyond the robotic hardware in their bodies, humans like Neo and Morpheus don sunglasses and sleek black clothing, concealing their human characteristics and making them look more like their mechanized opponents.
The machines also steal from their opponents' image, appearing as "agents" who blend in with the humans in the Matrix. Due to how advanced these machines are, they've even adopted aspects of human emotion, especially evident in Agent Smith's speech to Morpheus detailing his hatred for the Matrix. Using passionate and emotion charged words, Agent Smith seems more like a human than Morpheus does at this point, making it difficult for an outsider to tell which one is which.
By taking a closer look at the current and projected relationship of man and machine, the film begs the question, "can one really exist without the other?" The humans have become so reliant on machine service, will they ever be able to go back to life without it? And the machines are still owned by their master (humans), but for how much longer? Is it actually possible for the creator to be enslaved by his own creation, or will the original master-servant roles always exist in some form? Fortunately, the film suggest the latter; Neo eventually gains the ability to defeat the Agents with ease, and at the end of the movie he explains how he has faith in people's ability to rise up against their mechanized oppressors. It does make you question if this world will have a different outcome though; how long will it be instead of giving us directions on where we're going, our iPhones give us directions on what we're doing. It's sort of frightening to think about, but like Neo, I guess I have faith in humans' ability to exist without machines. It's an interesting point in history when we have to consider building less intelligent machines, because threats like the Matrix are becoming all too possible. That's just science fiction though. (Right?)
May 6, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Metacognition: Jane Eyre Mashup
The experience of creating a "mashup" forced me to think in a way I rarely, if ever, have thought in before. As much of a pain as it was to work on the mashup, it made me appreciate the connectivity of different aspects of my thinking unlike most school assignments (the only one the is even comparable is the second semester english final last year). Through the process I reaffirmed a lesson I'd learned during the short story process about thinking through a project, rather than working through it, but the ultimate takeaway from this unique assignment is how it made me look at the progression of my thoughts, and really how easy it is to relate the critical thinking I do for school and literature, to my everyday analysis of art and culture.
During my reflection on my short story writing experience, I noted that I'd learned it's better usually better to approach an assignment by simply "doing it;" whether it be just putting pen to paper and writing, or scouring a book for important passages, it's better to be practical rather than theoretical and just sit around thinking about what you're going to do. This is easier said than done; I've always been someone who carefully plans out in advance the work I'm going to be doing, and how I want it to look. It's not easy for me to just put the ball i motion when I don't have a clear idea. This has proven to be an extremely inconvenient way of working, and this mashup assignment did not disprove that. I tried meticulously planning out the steps I'd take, starting with looking for quotes from Jane Eyre, then moving on to pop culture, etc. but it didn't take me long to realize that this was getting me nowhere. After not being able to pinpoint what I actually wanted to focus on without actually looking for quotes (I was just thinking of what section possible quotes could come from), I ended up scrapping my idea and starting completely over with a new theme as the basis of my mashup. I eventually did get my feet set, and I got into a groove of working, but I disrupted the organic flow of my thoughts from the beginning of my project, and ended up putting a lot of time and effort into something that just went to waste in the end, which is a mistake I've made far too often. There is something to be said for how what I go through is part of the "story writing process," but I think it's time for me to adopt a more "write first, ask questions later"type of attitude. Like I said before though, once I got into a groove, it became a much easier assignment.
It seemed like a daunting task initially, to relate all the literature we've read this year, to Jane Eyre, and also to pop culture that surrounds us, providing original commentary and analysis all the while to tie it all together. Frankly, I didn't know where to begin. After deciding that I should just do the easy parts first, finding obvious Jane Eyre quotes and cultural references, the work got progressively easier. I started to appreciate how my mind jumped from one area of thinking to another completely unrelated area, in a natural, smooth transition. Finding a quote in jane Eyre would trigger my mind to shift to a set of song lyrics that carry the same meaning, a shift that I wouldn't think to normally make if I were simply reading the passage or listening to the song, but in the context of a mashup, things seemed to gel together much easier than I would've ever they could. This made collecting elements for the mashup not nearly as difficult as I thought it'd be, and at some points I was truly intrigued by how my thoughts flowed from one region of thinking to another. That being said, fitting all the elements together for the actual presentation of the mashup was way harder than I would've thought; re-contextualizing them in a way that made sense on paper, not just in my head, proved to be pretty challenging, and there are some aspects of my final mashup that I wish I could switch around right now, upon further review. In spite of that, I thought the mashup was actually a really cool (much cooler than I thought it'd be when I originally looked at the project) way of looking at the interconnectivity of our thoughts, and it made me think in ways that made sense, but were totally unconventional, and not how I'd normally go about analyzing the individual elements. My one complaint would be that I felt really pressed for time, so I'd strongly suggest either coordinating it so it doesn't fall during the same week asa massive history test and Chinese project next year, or just giving students more time to complete it, because I think if this project is going to be done, it should at least be done right and not curtailed because of obstacles in students' school lives. But that's just food for thought I suppose, this project was actually worth doing from the standpoint that it made us think way outside of the box, challenging both our creativity and our analytical abilities, something that probably doesn't happen enough in high school classes; the synthesis between the creative right side and methodical left side of the brain can yield some really cool results (which is why I'm looking forward to seeing what my classmates came up with, it should be really interesting)
April 27, 2012
During my reflection on my short story writing experience, I noted that I'd learned it's better usually better to approach an assignment by simply "doing it;" whether it be just putting pen to paper and writing, or scouring a book for important passages, it's better to be practical rather than theoretical and just sit around thinking about what you're going to do. This is easier said than done; I've always been someone who carefully plans out in advance the work I'm going to be doing, and how I want it to look. It's not easy for me to just put the ball i motion when I don't have a clear idea. This has proven to be an extremely inconvenient way of working, and this mashup assignment did not disprove that. I tried meticulously planning out the steps I'd take, starting with looking for quotes from Jane Eyre, then moving on to pop culture, etc. but it didn't take me long to realize that this was getting me nowhere. After not being able to pinpoint what I actually wanted to focus on without actually looking for quotes (I was just thinking of what section possible quotes could come from), I ended up scrapping my idea and starting completely over with a new theme as the basis of my mashup. I eventually did get my feet set, and I got into a groove of working, but I disrupted the organic flow of my thoughts from the beginning of my project, and ended up putting a lot of time and effort into something that just went to waste in the end, which is a mistake I've made far too often. There is something to be said for how what I go through is part of the "story writing process," but I think it's time for me to adopt a more "write first, ask questions later"type of attitude. Like I said before though, once I got into a groove, it became a much easier assignment.
It seemed like a daunting task initially, to relate all the literature we've read this year, to Jane Eyre, and also to pop culture that surrounds us, providing original commentary and analysis all the while to tie it all together. Frankly, I didn't know where to begin. After deciding that I should just do the easy parts first, finding obvious Jane Eyre quotes and cultural references, the work got progressively easier. I started to appreciate how my mind jumped from one area of thinking to another completely unrelated area, in a natural, smooth transition. Finding a quote in jane Eyre would trigger my mind to shift to a set of song lyrics that carry the same meaning, a shift that I wouldn't think to normally make if I were simply reading the passage or listening to the song, but in the context of a mashup, things seemed to gel together much easier than I would've ever they could. This made collecting elements for the mashup not nearly as difficult as I thought it'd be, and at some points I was truly intrigued by how my thoughts flowed from one region of thinking to another. That being said, fitting all the elements together for the actual presentation of the mashup was way harder than I would've thought; re-contextualizing them in a way that made sense on paper, not just in my head, proved to be pretty challenging, and there are some aspects of my final mashup that I wish I could switch around right now, upon further review. In spite of that, I thought the mashup was actually a really cool (much cooler than I thought it'd be when I originally looked at the project) way of looking at the interconnectivity of our thoughts, and it made me think in ways that made sense, but were totally unconventional, and not how I'd normally go about analyzing the individual elements. My one complaint would be that I felt really pressed for time, so I'd strongly suggest either coordinating it so it doesn't fall during the same week asa massive history test and Chinese project next year, or just giving students more time to complete it, because I think if this project is going to be done, it should at least be done right and not curtailed because of obstacles in students' school lives. But that's just food for thought I suppose, this project was actually worth doing from the standpoint that it made us think way outside of the box, challenging both our creativity and our analytical abilities, something that probably doesn't happen enough in high school classes; the synthesis between the creative right side and methodical left side of the brain can yield some really cool results (which is why I'm looking forward to seeing what my classmates came up with, it should be really interesting)
April 27, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Thoughts on A Midsummer Night's Dream
To start off, I'd just like to say that I really enjoyed the production Chicago's Shakespeare Theatre put on of A Midsummer Night's Dream. While I could go on praising the play as a work of literature, and commending Shakespeare brilliance, that wouldn't do his particular production justice. The play is without a doubt a fantastic work of poetry and writing, and truly entertaining, but I think what set this production apart from most others in just any old theatre is the unique interpretation of the director, and the caliber of the actors' portrayal of Shakespeare's characters.
It was easy to tell that both the actors and the director were very familiar and comfortable with Shakespeare. I was looking through the playbill and I noticed a section that said the director chose to switch the order of the first two scenes, making the meeting of the Mechanicals happen before we're introduced to Hermia who's asking for her father's permission to marry Lysander. This change didn't really change the plot or feel of the play at all, but the fact that the director was able and wanted to switch around some scenes obviously showed that he had a clear vision and direction for the play, and that he was making conscious, knowledgable decisions as a director, which is something I really appreciated because it's easy for a director to be outshined by his cast or the original writer, but I had a lot of respect for this director's vision and get an idea of how his thoughts worked without ever actually meeting him. The actors too seemed very at ease with the language and atmosphere of Shakespeare, allowing the play to open up and develop itself without having to force entertainment or make the characters seem to distant from real life. I was a little caught off guard in the beginning, but they did a fantastic job of easing the audience into the story and letting Shakespeare's shenanigans unfold naturally.
The unique setting of the play was initially a little off-putting, usually when we (or at least I) picture a Shakespearean play in my head, it's not set in the 1920's. I did come to appreciate this aspect though, for a number of reasons. First of all it showed the director's creativity and his ability to bring his own interpretation to an audience (something I really envy), and it also gave him the opportunity to introduce a modern connection to the 400 year old play: Sigmund Freud, doubling as the mischievious fairy Puck. The first character we see in the whole play is Sigmund Freud, and in some respects the last character we see in this particular production is Sigmund Freud (Puck took the last bow). The decision to have Puck emerge out of Sigmund Freud's image was not only chilling but brilliant. The synthesis between Freud's analysis of dreams, and Shakespeare's play on the interactions between our dream state and our realities seemed flawless. Using Freud's face as a way of showing the proposed relation between our conscious aspirations and what is acted out in our subconscious not only displayed the director's creativity, but also seemed to breathe new life into a quickly aging play, kept young by Shakespeare's (and in this perspective Freud's) ability to speak to human nature as a whole, not just individual characters.
The play would be lost, however, without it's individual characters solely because of how much entertainment they provide. Usually my mindset when going to see our read Shakespeare is, "he's a master of the human mind so be on the look out for cool ideas/archetypes he points out." All of this was forgotten in the second act of A Midsummer Night's Dream, not because it became irrelevant, but because I was absolutely laughing my face off. The Bard's writing is hysterical, but the actors that brought it to life and made the 400 year old jokes work today deserve a lot of the credit. Some of the looks you could catch the actors giving the audience (particularly the actor's who played Odeon and Titania/ The Duke and Hippolyta) brought not only more modern relatability to the play, but also a slightly satirical comedic flare that's usually not associated with stage productions. Overall, I really did appreciate the way the director injected some modern elements, and his own modern backdrop to the play, and I was more than entertained by the hilariousness of the plot and the actors who brought it to life. It's a shame that we saw the play on the last day of its run, because I'd even consider going back to see it a second time, but I look forward to the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre's next production, as I'm sure it will be equally impressive and I'm really starting to like that place; hopefully I can look forward to more fieldtrips of their productions (ehem ehem Academy teachers).
These trips to the Shakespeare Theatre are really fostering my appreciation and enjoyment of Shakespeare and, of course, it's always nice to spend a day with the Academy
April 6th, 2011
It was easy to tell that both the actors and the director were very familiar and comfortable with Shakespeare. I was looking through the playbill and I noticed a section that said the director chose to switch the order of the first two scenes, making the meeting of the Mechanicals happen before we're introduced to Hermia who's asking for her father's permission to marry Lysander. This change didn't really change the plot or feel of the play at all, but the fact that the director was able and wanted to switch around some scenes obviously showed that he had a clear vision and direction for the play, and that he was making conscious, knowledgable decisions as a director, which is something I really appreciated because it's easy for a director to be outshined by his cast or the original writer, but I had a lot of respect for this director's vision and get an idea of how his thoughts worked without ever actually meeting him. The actors too seemed very at ease with the language and atmosphere of Shakespeare, allowing the play to open up and develop itself without having to force entertainment or make the characters seem to distant from real life. I was a little caught off guard in the beginning, but they did a fantastic job of easing the audience into the story and letting Shakespeare's shenanigans unfold naturally.
The unique setting of the play was initially a little off-putting, usually when we (or at least I) picture a Shakespearean play in my head, it's not set in the 1920's. I did come to appreciate this aspect though, for a number of reasons. First of all it showed the director's creativity and his ability to bring his own interpretation to an audience (something I really envy), and it also gave him the opportunity to introduce a modern connection to the 400 year old play: Sigmund Freud, doubling as the mischievious fairy Puck. The first character we see in the whole play is Sigmund Freud, and in some respects the last character we see in this particular production is Sigmund Freud (Puck took the last bow). The decision to have Puck emerge out of Sigmund Freud's image was not only chilling but brilliant. The synthesis between Freud's analysis of dreams, and Shakespeare's play on the interactions between our dream state and our realities seemed flawless. Using Freud's face as a way of showing the proposed relation between our conscious aspirations and what is acted out in our subconscious not only displayed the director's creativity, but also seemed to breathe new life into a quickly aging play, kept young by Shakespeare's (and in this perspective Freud's) ability to speak to human nature as a whole, not just individual characters.
The play would be lost, however, without it's individual characters solely because of how much entertainment they provide. Usually my mindset when going to see our read Shakespeare is, "he's a master of the human mind so be on the look out for cool ideas/archetypes he points out." All of this was forgotten in the second act of A Midsummer Night's Dream, not because it became irrelevant, but because I was absolutely laughing my face off. The Bard's writing is hysterical, but the actors that brought it to life and made the 400 year old jokes work today deserve a lot of the credit. Some of the looks you could catch the actors giving the audience (particularly the actor's who played Odeon and Titania/ The Duke and Hippolyta) brought not only more modern relatability to the play, but also a slightly satirical comedic flare that's usually not associated with stage productions. Overall, I really did appreciate the way the director injected some modern elements, and his own modern backdrop to the play, and I was more than entertained by the hilariousness of the plot and the actors who brought it to life. It's a shame that we saw the play on the last day of its run, because I'd even consider going back to see it a second time, but I look forward to the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre's next production, as I'm sure it will be equally impressive and I'm really starting to like that place; hopefully I can look forward to more fieldtrips of their productions (ehem ehem Academy teachers).
These trips to the Shakespeare Theatre are really fostering my appreciation and enjoyment of Shakespeare and, of course, it's always nice to spend a day with the Academy
April 6th, 2011
Friday, March 23, 2012
Metacognition: Short Story
If I had to sum up the process I went through in writing my short story in one word, it'd probably have to be "unique." While there were many unorthodox or "unique" methods I tried in writing this story, I think the most drastic change I made to my normal writing process were how I attempted to force myself into writing; to "just write" and worry about editing and making sense out of it later, instead of having it thought out ahead of time. For pretty much all of high school I've been following a process where I sort of let brilliance come to me (not to sound too arrogant) and then rolling with an idea from therer. In other, less lofty, words I guess you could say I wait for an idea I truly like to come along before I really delve into writing, but I tried something new this time around, and it made for quite a different experience.
I knew a few things I liked about my story before writing it, not too much, but I knew enough of what I wanted it to look like to get the ball rolling. Or so I thought. First of all, one of the biggest setbacks for this whole writing process was how slowly I came to an idea for a story, completely scrapping an idea for the fragment (stage 1), then scrapping another fragment (still stage 1), then finally setting on a rough idea that would evolve into my latest work, "Ante Up." Beginning my first draft though, I knew I wanted it to be about something BIG. I wanted it to have meaning, but I also wanted to inspire and shock readers, an idea that I would later realize is the "basis for virtually every independent film ever made." (Google 'Thinkfilms' if you want to see what I mean) I looked at some of my favorite movies and stories to inspire my own creativity and get the writing juices flowing, only to realize a little too far down the road how terrible of an idea that was. Writing (or at least my writing) needs to be organic; I need to be able to formulate my own original idea, no matter how long it takes me, and run with it from there. Probably the biggest disturbance in my writing process was how forced it became at times. Whether it was to meet a deadline or to move the story through a rut, I found myself trying to push it along without thinking about the final product simply due to the pressure I felt to finish (although surprisingly some of my best writing comes from pressure laden 2:30 writing sessions) (that's 2:30am). Being someone who usually has a lot of integrity for their work, perhaps even too much sometimes considering how offended I see myself get at criticism, it's sort of appalling to look back and see how I tried desperately to move what seemed to be a nowhere bound story by forcing it down a shallow, at times even random, path so I could move on to the next part.
The way I like to write (whether it be a short story, poem, essay, etc.) is a process that probably makes most English teachers and writers squirm; I think through the whole story in my head first making sure I know what I want it to eventually look like, before putting pen to paper so that all I have to do is write down what plays out in my head. This time around however, partially due to suggestions to "deepen the story's narrative" and partially due to my own inability to see value in my initial idea, I decided just to write. To let thoughts flow and write them down as they come, creating a sort of stream of conscious story with a very unique plot and complex characters. That's the hope anyways, but because I wasn't able to sort through my thoughts and take inventory of how I actually wanted the story to play out, my story constantly felt lost and inadequate throughout most of the writing process. It wasn't until I was able to sift through what I'd written already and take a new approach, figuring out my plot before setting out to tell it, did I achieve any sort of success with developing a story that makes somewhat sense and, more importantly, has a level of closure in it, telling both me (the writer) and the reader that there is a well thought-out, meaningful plot within the story.
In retrospect, I have to pat myself on the back a little bit for salvaging what at times seemed like a hopeless story, and turning into something that I'm actually okay with putting my name on. I was only able to write comfortably after returning to my normal process of figuring out what it is that I want to say, and then articulating the story on paper. When I have the plot moderately planned out already, it's hard to chunk the writing into definite steps and fit it into a gradable "story writing process." This is part of the reason steps one and two seemed like introductions to a greater story to come, when in fact it was actually part of the narrative, I just needed to let the story develop, which pretty much happened in my final draft before turning the story in; in "one fell swoop" where I synthesized the middle and ending with the inaugural first two drafts. While I would like to keep my writing process basically the same, I do feel I need to learn how to fit it into a more logical set of steps so that I could get feedback on my ideas without having to actually write them down in a place where they won't make sense or won't stay in for later drafts. I am glad that I was able to churn out another piece of writing that I can turn in knowing it's moderately entertaining, well developed, and contains some emotional closure, especially considering the first two drafts were regarded predominately as "incipient" (which, to some extent, I don't necessarily disagree with). I wish I could've found a more direct and rational approach to the writing and maturing of my story, possibly avoiding some of the anxiety and sleep deprivation I suffered along the way, but I suppose that's secondary to being able to produce comfortably a sophisticated and developed story. And, considering the fact that whatever grade I get on this story doesn't really mean much to me because I achieved some "emotional closure," I guess I can say All's Well That Ends Well
(I do plan on continuing to revise it though so that I can say I actually like the story after all the effort I've put into it, but for now I'll say it "ends well")
March 22, 2012
I knew a few things I liked about my story before writing it, not too much, but I knew enough of what I wanted it to look like to get the ball rolling. Or so I thought. First of all, one of the biggest setbacks for this whole writing process was how slowly I came to an idea for a story, completely scrapping an idea for the fragment (stage 1), then scrapping another fragment (still stage 1), then finally setting on a rough idea that would evolve into my latest work, "Ante Up." Beginning my first draft though, I knew I wanted it to be about something BIG. I wanted it to have meaning, but I also wanted to inspire and shock readers, an idea that I would later realize is the "basis for virtually every independent film ever made." (Google 'Thinkfilms' if you want to see what I mean) I looked at some of my favorite movies and stories to inspire my own creativity and get the writing juices flowing, only to realize a little too far down the road how terrible of an idea that was. Writing (or at least my writing) needs to be organic; I need to be able to formulate my own original idea, no matter how long it takes me, and run with it from there. Probably the biggest disturbance in my writing process was how forced it became at times. Whether it was to meet a deadline or to move the story through a rut, I found myself trying to push it along without thinking about the final product simply due to the pressure I felt to finish (although surprisingly some of my best writing comes from pressure laden 2:30 writing sessions) (that's 2:30am). Being someone who usually has a lot of integrity for their work, perhaps even too much sometimes considering how offended I see myself get at criticism, it's sort of appalling to look back and see how I tried desperately to move what seemed to be a nowhere bound story by forcing it down a shallow, at times even random, path so I could move on to the next part.
The way I like to write (whether it be a short story, poem, essay, etc.) is a process that probably makes most English teachers and writers squirm; I think through the whole story in my head first making sure I know what I want it to eventually look like, before putting pen to paper so that all I have to do is write down what plays out in my head. This time around however, partially due to suggestions to "deepen the story's narrative" and partially due to my own inability to see value in my initial idea, I decided just to write. To let thoughts flow and write them down as they come, creating a sort of stream of conscious story with a very unique plot and complex characters. That's the hope anyways, but because I wasn't able to sort through my thoughts and take inventory of how I actually wanted the story to play out, my story constantly felt lost and inadequate throughout most of the writing process. It wasn't until I was able to sift through what I'd written already and take a new approach, figuring out my plot before setting out to tell it, did I achieve any sort of success with developing a story that makes somewhat sense and, more importantly, has a level of closure in it, telling both me (the writer) and the reader that there is a well thought-out, meaningful plot within the story.
In retrospect, I have to pat myself on the back a little bit for salvaging what at times seemed like a hopeless story, and turning into something that I'm actually okay with putting my name on. I was only able to write comfortably after returning to my normal process of figuring out what it is that I want to say, and then articulating the story on paper. When I have the plot moderately planned out already, it's hard to chunk the writing into definite steps and fit it into a gradable "story writing process." This is part of the reason steps one and two seemed like introductions to a greater story to come, when in fact it was actually part of the narrative, I just needed to let the story develop, which pretty much happened in my final draft before turning the story in; in "one fell swoop" where I synthesized the middle and ending with the inaugural first two drafts. While I would like to keep my writing process basically the same, I do feel I need to learn how to fit it into a more logical set of steps so that I could get feedback on my ideas without having to actually write them down in a place where they won't make sense or won't stay in for later drafts. I am glad that I was able to churn out another piece of writing that I can turn in knowing it's moderately entertaining, well developed, and contains some emotional closure, especially considering the first two drafts were regarded predominately as "incipient" (which, to some extent, I don't necessarily disagree with). I wish I could've found a more direct and rational approach to the writing and maturing of my story, possibly avoiding some of the anxiety and sleep deprivation I suffered along the way, but I suppose that's secondary to being able to produce comfortably a sophisticated and developed story. And, considering the fact that whatever grade I get on this story doesn't really mean much to me because I achieved some "emotional closure," I guess I can say All's Well That Ends Well
(I do plan on continuing to revise it though so that I can say I actually like the story after all the effort I've put into it, but for now I'll say it "ends well")
March 22, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
An Inconvenient Truth: The Dao of People
Among the truths about human nature we learned in Heart of Darkness, the most impactful and probably most obvious takeaway is that evil exists inside everyone. This is definitely the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about Heart of Darkness, and probably one of (if not the) most important realization made in English this quarter. Everyone in the novel, and upon reflection virtually everyone in the real world, has some malicious side to them, and even though there can be great variance from one person to the next, it's a common thread that runs through all people in some way or another.
In Heart of Darkness, it seemed that everyone Marlow encountered in the Congo had wicked intentions or were willing to be evil for personal gains, with Kurtz being the ultimate embodiment of this attribute. Even Marlow found himself slipping into aggressive or uncharacteristically malicious thoughts while in the Congo looking for Kurtz. When we discussed this idea in class we came up with many other examples of how people, under certain circumstances can lose touch with reality and succumb to the evil inside them. Maybe that's my own interpretation of the discussion, but nonetheless my point can be make by looking at the characters of Heart of Darkness as well as some real life instances, like the Stanford prison experiment for example. An interesting idea is the notion that a basic characteristic of people includes the existence of evil; to steal some lyrics from Metallica's song Am I Evil, "Am I evil? Yes I am. Am I evil? I am man." Meaning that there is no way to hide or mask the reality of evilness, people just need to know how to control and manage it. A major theme I saw in Heart of Darkness was the struggle between good and evil, which could be parallel with the internal struggle within every person; the existence of evil is present in everyone, coinciding with the existence of good and occasionally struggling for dominance with it. Perhaps this isn't such a bad thing though.
It's an inconvenient truth because it's just another thing people need to be aware of so that they can deal with and manage their internal evil when it does surface, avoiding potentially harmful effects on their character, but this does not necessarily make it a "bad truth" or a "demoralizing truth." Sure, it'd be nice if we could rest easy knowing only certain people carried the evil gene, but that is clearly not the case, making it imperative for people to be in touch with their evil side, so that they're familiar wit its capabilities and so they can stave off its attempts to overcome their lives (avoiding a Kurtz-like scenario). There may in fact be benefits though to having an evil side, or at least knowing can have one.
There is something to be said for people's need for balance, and the idea that all good has an equal amount of evil existing somewhere in the universe. Perhaps people need to be in touch with both their altruistic and malicious sides to fully appreciate life and the different lenses used to look at it with. I'm beginning to think people need both yin and yang to live to their fullest potential, neither one can succeed without the other. I'd like to think that there is reason behind my more devilish side, method to madness if you will. At the same time though, everything is about perspective, and while good keeps evil in perspective (and vice versa) I probably need to keep both in perspective and be aware of my self really have the opposites complement each other and strike a balance. I guess that's the lesson underneath all of this: it's all about balance
March 12, 2012
In Heart of Darkness, it seemed that everyone Marlow encountered in the Congo had wicked intentions or were willing to be evil for personal gains, with Kurtz being the ultimate embodiment of this attribute. Even Marlow found himself slipping into aggressive or uncharacteristically malicious thoughts while in the Congo looking for Kurtz. When we discussed this idea in class we came up with many other examples of how people, under certain circumstances can lose touch with reality and succumb to the evil inside them. Maybe that's my own interpretation of the discussion, but nonetheless my point can be make by looking at the characters of Heart of Darkness as well as some real life instances, like the Stanford prison experiment for example. An interesting idea is the notion that a basic characteristic of people includes the existence of evil; to steal some lyrics from Metallica's song Am I Evil, "Am I evil? Yes I am. Am I evil? I am man." Meaning that there is no way to hide or mask the reality of evilness, people just need to know how to control and manage it. A major theme I saw in Heart of Darkness was the struggle between good and evil, which could be parallel with the internal struggle within every person; the existence of evil is present in everyone, coinciding with the existence of good and occasionally struggling for dominance with it. Perhaps this isn't such a bad thing though.
It's an inconvenient truth because it's just another thing people need to be aware of so that they can deal with and manage their internal evil when it does surface, avoiding potentially harmful effects on their character, but this does not necessarily make it a "bad truth" or a "demoralizing truth." Sure, it'd be nice if we could rest easy knowing only certain people carried the evil gene, but that is clearly not the case, making it imperative for people to be in touch with their evil side, so that they're familiar wit its capabilities and so they can stave off its attempts to overcome their lives (avoiding a Kurtz-like scenario). There may in fact be benefits though to having an evil side, or at least knowing can have one.
There is something to be said for people's need for balance, and the idea that all good has an equal amount of evil existing somewhere in the universe. Perhaps people need to be in touch with both their altruistic and malicious sides to fully appreciate life and the different lenses used to look at it with. I'm beginning to think people need both yin and yang to live to their fullest potential, neither one can succeed without the other. I'd like to think that there is reason behind my more devilish side, method to madness if you will. At the same time though, everything is about perspective, and while good keeps evil in perspective (and vice versa) I probably need to keep both in perspective and be aware of my self really have the opposites complement each other and strike a balance. I guess that's the lesson underneath all of this: it's all about balance
March 12, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Change of Mind: I'm Not Invincible
After sifting through the confusion and complex language of Heart of Darkness, I found that it really has a lot of thought to offer about the human mind, specifically how it can rise and fall so easily. There will probably come a day when I'll want to go back and read Heart of Darkness again, because I'm sure there's plenty of valuable concepts I didn't pick up on, but one of the most interesting, and frighteningly relatable concepts I did pick up on is the idea that everyone has a breaking point. Everyone has a mental or emotional state where they crack and lose their mind (not always as severely as portrayed in Heart of Darkness, but enough to spark a profound shift in character), and when someone is pushed to their breaking point, it can really disrupt their life and force them to reconstruct their minds in a way.
I've seen the brink of my own "breaking point" more in the past 5 months than ever before in my life. The oh-so-stressful combination of school becoming more intense, with the natural pressure of being a teenager trying to figure what (if anything) they'll be doing with their life after high school makes for an exhausting concoction, filled to the brim with confusion, angst, and apprehension. I think might have even experienced a few minor mental breakdowns myself, as I recount the multiple times (at least 5) I've screamed every curse word I know into my carpet as a way to try to escape and alienate myself from the built up stress. It's seemed like a gradual progression, from minor brooding to a full out breakdown, but that makes me even more afraid that I'm not noticing these changes in my character. I'm not (or at least I didn't used to be) someone who freaks out over stress, I've usually been pretty good handling it, but being pushed to my mental limit by school, and emotional limit by all the other stuff going on in my life has made me more susceptible to going moderately crazy, and not realize the world around me for what it really is. The world's a great place, but when I feel trapped by all the (for honest lack of a better word, I even tried using a thesaurus) shit going on in my life (not to sound too melodramatic), I lose touch with the good things and seem to only focus on my narrow-minded problems.
This behavior bears a striking (and scary) resemblance to Kurtz, and his own progression into insanity. Kurtz's story was the sad but true revelation I think I needed pretty bad: the fact that all men can fall. Even the strongest, most intelligent, most ambitious men can succumb to the pressures of their environment and the pressure they put on themselves, and transform into a completely different person; one who has lost touch with his formal self, and the joy he used to be able to find in the world. I never thought I'd be experiencing anything even remotely similar to Kurtz's downward spiral into madness, but the behavior I've been using to deal with stress lately seems too reminiscent of the early stages of losing my mind. I was convinced that as long as I could stay on top of my thoughts and emotions I could always direct them in any direction I wanted. Meaning, as long as I remained conscious of the stress in my life and if I kept things in perspective I'd be able to easily overcome any mentally/emotionally demanding situation. Unfortunately though, I feel like if I let myself be overcome by pressure or difficulties, then I'll suffer the same fate as Kurtz, and my mind will become a bleak and lukewarm place (again, not trying to be too melodramatic here), and frankly that's a startling thought.
Maybe there is hope though. Maybe, while I may not be invincible, I can still be conscious of my mental/emotional state and find better outlets and ways to deal with it. I have every intention to try to regain control over the stress in my life, and not go off the deep end, but I'm sure there'll be times in my life when I've got more to deal with than I do now. Perhaps the one saving grace is the fact that Kurtz eventually did lift the fog over his mind, and his consciousness did somewhat return in recognizing "The horror! The horror!" of his actions and his recent life. Then again, he did die right after that. Maybe the whole 'losing your mind' thing is something where you sort of have to go there to come back. You have to experience mental bleakness, and lose touch with your realities to eventually come back to being cognizant of how to deal with stress and pressure, and fully appreciate the times (past and hopefully future) when you can enjoy the world to its fullest, and the stresses of your life all fit into perspective. Perhaps I won't know until if and when I experience it firsthand. It was eye-opening though to realize that I can and might experience moderate insanity firsthand. Hopefully now, if I do reach that point, I'll at least be able to understand it and remember what really matters to me. Stress and pressure are really what you make of them I suppose, but they are nonetheless part of the experience of life, and being conscious of the effect they can have is at least a way to help yourself out and hopefully prevent against reaching the horrors of insanity... if school/life don't get you there first
February 10, 2012
I've seen the brink of my own "breaking point" more in the past 5 months than ever before in my life. The oh-so-stressful combination of school becoming more intense, with the natural pressure of being a teenager trying to figure what (if anything) they'll be doing with their life after high school makes for an exhausting concoction, filled to the brim with confusion, angst, and apprehension. I think might have even experienced a few minor mental breakdowns myself, as I recount the multiple times (at least 5) I've screamed every curse word I know into my carpet as a way to try to escape and alienate myself from the built up stress. It's seemed like a gradual progression, from minor brooding to a full out breakdown, but that makes me even more afraid that I'm not noticing these changes in my character. I'm not (or at least I didn't used to be) someone who freaks out over stress, I've usually been pretty good handling it, but being pushed to my mental limit by school, and emotional limit by all the other stuff going on in my life has made me more susceptible to going moderately crazy, and not realize the world around me for what it really is. The world's a great place, but when I feel trapped by all the (for honest lack of a better word, I even tried using a thesaurus) shit going on in my life (not to sound too melodramatic), I lose touch with the good things and seem to only focus on my narrow-minded problems.
This behavior bears a striking (and scary) resemblance to Kurtz, and his own progression into insanity. Kurtz's story was the sad but true revelation I think I needed pretty bad: the fact that all men can fall. Even the strongest, most intelligent, most ambitious men can succumb to the pressures of their environment and the pressure they put on themselves, and transform into a completely different person; one who has lost touch with his formal self, and the joy he used to be able to find in the world. I never thought I'd be experiencing anything even remotely similar to Kurtz's downward spiral into madness, but the behavior I've been using to deal with stress lately seems too reminiscent of the early stages of losing my mind. I was convinced that as long as I could stay on top of my thoughts and emotions I could always direct them in any direction I wanted. Meaning, as long as I remained conscious of the stress in my life and if I kept things in perspective I'd be able to easily overcome any mentally/emotionally demanding situation. Unfortunately though, I feel like if I let myself be overcome by pressure or difficulties, then I'll suffer the same fate as Kurtz, and my mind will become a bleak and lukewarm place (again, not trying to be too melodramatic here), and frankly that's a startling thought.
Maybe there is hope though. Maybe, while I may not be invincible, I can still be conscious of my mental/emotional state and find better outlets and ways to deal with it. I have every intention to try to regain control over the stress in my life, and not go off the deep end, but I'm sure there'll be times in my life when I've got more to deal with than I do now. Perhaps the one saving grace is the fact that Kurtz eventually did lift the fog over his mind, and his consciousness did somewhat return in recognizing "The horror! The horror!" of his actions and his recent life. Then again, he did die right after that. Maybe the whole 'losing your mind' thing is something where you sort of have to go there to come back. You have to experience mental bleakness, and lose touch with your realities to eventually come back to being cognizant of how to deal with stress and pressure, and fully appreciate the times (past and hopefully future) when you can enjoy the world to its fullest, and the stresses of your life all fit into perspective. Perhaps I won't know until if and when I experience it firsthand. It was eye-opening though to realize that I can and might experience moderate insanity firsthand. Hopefully now, if I do reach that point, I'll at least be able to understand it and remember what really matters to me. Stress and pressure are really what you make of them I suppose, but they are nonetheless part of the experience of life, and being conscious of the effect they can have is at least a way to help yourself out and hopefully prevent against reaching the horrors of insanity... if school/life don't get you there first
February 10, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Bloggin' Around 2-2-12
I read and responded to my honorable classmates Charlie and Atticus's respective blogs on their first semesters:
"Well for starters, you're definitely not alone with this feeling, that first sentence sums up all the negatives of the last few weeks pretty nicely; the last few months seem to have been a sadistic math equation: stress+work+expectations+exhaustion=time for a change. I can relate to the fact that the roles of schoolwork and homework have sort of flip-flopped, where I learn at home and school is where I decompress all the information and check for understanding. I can't say I'm a fan of this change, and I'd much rather have things revert back to the way they were in the past because I've noticed I feel a lot more pressured now. When I have to be the teacher, there's no one else to blame if I don't have a basic understanding of the material since that's my responsibility now. Furthermore, this pressure seems to demand a much bigger time and thought investment than I've ever had to give to school, and while I understand that's just a part of getting older, I've been pushed to become more concise and practical because of it. When I was reading this post, I realized how much your two points (about self-driven teaching, and conciseness) go hand in hand
To cut down on the ever-building amount of work we seem to be assigned, I've had to go through a sort of personal scientific revolution/evaluation (I suppose I have learned something in class). I've asked myself "what really works?" in terms of how much should I invest in a particular class, assignment, or thought in an attempt to maximize reward for my efforts. It hasn't taken me long to find out that I'll never really be able to cut down on that much, I think I'm already to far down the life path of being innately busy, but this more pragmatic mindset where I filter out the worthless thoughts and focus on the brilliant ones seems to be helping me channel my thoughts in the right direction, and if nothing else giving me mental closure that I can be smart. Usually. I'm glad to see that you brought up keeping an open mind at the end, because I've also realized it to be a vital step in getting the most out of school. While class might not be held in the same way it has been over the past nine years, being open and absorbent to everything that is thrown your way during school definitely helps you get the most out of it. Now, more than ever before, school has been teaching me to keep my mind open, because while what you're being told in class may not directly apply to the paper you have to write later that night, you never know when knowledge will come in handy or be useful, so maybe I'm in fact closer to the mindset I had on my first day first grade "understand as much as I possibly can". I've gotten too caught up in just completing the next assignment, it's refreshing to know that schools not just about that, and maybe I'm getting more out of it than I could've imagined, I just don't know it yet" - (from Charlie's blog)
I want to learn and be amazed at the stuff I see at school like I used to be throughout grade school, but to get back to that mindset, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of that responsibility falls on me. To use an old saying (and one of my favorite '90s pop songs), "You Get What You Give." Part of the reason I've become dissatisfied with school lately is because I think it's become dissatisfied with me. While my grades have been relatively fine (good enough for me at least), I don't walk out of school feeling amazed and knowledgeable like I used to. Obviously there are more important things than grades when it comes to school, and I think I need to reevaluate my priorities and be willing to put the work and thought I know I'm capable of into classes and assignments that I want to really teach me something. I think what you were getting at, Atticus, (and what I agree with) is that I have to abandon the idea with being kay with complacency, and really use all of my ability to work hard and do well. I'm not sure if the results I'm looking for, which are essentially just learning and absorbing knowledge to a level that actually intrigues me, are guaranteed, but I'll no doubt be prouder of the way this mindset represents me in school and hopefully the work I put in will be reciprocated and I'll walk out of school feeling enlightened and enthralled by education. Something like that. I do recall Mr. Allen saying something not long ago that really made every minute homework assignment seem a little more worthwhile, something along the lines of "a great liberal arts education is achieved by understanding as much as you can about as much as you can" (that's not a direct quote), but that helps me think that what I'm doing is important, interesting, and well worth my effort to share my own thoughts, because it will all pay-off and be reciprocated some day, in some way. And that's pretty cool" - (from Atticus's blog)
"Well for starters, you're definitely not alone with this feeling, that first sentence sums up all the negatives of the last few weeks pretty nicely; the last few months seem to have been a sadistic math equation: stress+work+expectations+exhaustion=time for a change. I can relate to the fact that the roles of schoolwork and homework have sort of flip-flopped, where I learn at home and school is where I decompress all the information and check for understanding. I can't say I'm a fan of this change, and I'd much rather have things revert back to the way they were in the past because I've noticed I feel a lot more pressured now. When I have to be the teacher, there's no one else to blame if I don't have a basic understanding of the material since that's my responsibility now. Furthermore, this pressure seems to demand a much bigger time and thought investment than I've ever had to give to school, and while I understand that's just a part of getting older, I've been pushed to become more concise and practical because of it. When I was reading this post, I realized how much your two points (about self-driven teaching, and conciseness) go hand in hand
To cut down on the ever-building amount of work we seem to be assigned, I've had to go through a sort of personal scientific revolution/evaluation (I suppose I have learned something in class). I've asked myself "what really works?" in terms of how much should I invest in a particular class, assignment, or thought in an attempt to maximize reward for my efforts. It hasn't taken me long to find out that I'll never really be able to cut down on that much, I think I'm already to far down the life path of being innately busy, but this more pragmatic mindset where I filter out the worthless thoughts and focus on the brilliant ones seems to be helping me channel my thoughts in the right direction, and if nothing else giving me mental closure that I can be smart. Usually. I'm glad to see that you brought up keeping an open mind at the end, because I've also realized it to be a vital step in getting the most out of school. While class might not be held in the same way it has been over the past nine years, being open and absorbent to everything that is thrown your way during school definitely helps you get the most out of it. Now, more than ever before, school has been teaching me to keep my mind open, because while what you're being told in class may not directly apply to the paper you have to write later that night, you never know when knowledge will come in handy or be useful, so maybe I'm in fact closer to the mindset I had on my first day first grade "understand as much as I possibly can". I've gotten too caught up in just completing the next assignment, it's refreshing to know that schools not just about that, and maybe I'm getting more out of it than I could've imagined, I just don't know it yet" - (from Charlie's blog)
"Atticus, I feel like I've been in a similar situation over the first semester. I reflected on how good I'd become at the "school game" prior to this year in my first semester final (by "school game" I mean knowing when and how to pretend like I care and fake emotion just for the sake of getting an A) and it was shocking to see how apathetic and lazy I'd become towards schoolwork, but at the same time relieving recognizing that I'd finally identified the problem within myself. Beyond just being dissatisfied with the way I went about schoolwork though, I more recently have become dissatisfied with school itself, I feel like I'm not getting nearly as much out of it as I used to. While I probably have a similar problem that you've identified, not wanting to put in the work and effort to extract what I'm looking to get out of school because of arrogance, laziness or whatever other reason, I've had to ask myself "am I really willing to invest a large amount of my time and effort into every single class and assignment?" No, seems to be the answer that automatically jumps out at me, but then I have to ask myself "then how do I expect to extract meaning or lessons or whatever I'm looking for out of these classes and assignments?" I think what I've settled upon lately is simply that I have to choose my battles.
I want to learn and be amazed at the stuff I see at school like I used to be throughout grade school, but to get back to that mindset, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of that responsibility falls on me. To use an old saying (and one of my favorite '90s pop songs), "You Get What You Give." Part of the reason I've become dissatisfied with school lately is because I think it's become dissatisfied with me. While my grades have been relatively fine (good enough for me at least), I don't walk out of school feeling amazed and knowledgeable like I used to. Obviously there are more important things than grades when it comes to school, and I think I need to reevaluate my priorities and be willing to put the work and thought I know I'm capable of into classes and assignments that I want to really teach me something. I think what you were getting at, Atticus, (and what I agree with) is that I have to abandon the idea with being kay with complacency, and really use all of my ability to work hard and do well. I'm not sure if the results I'm looking for, which are essentially just learning and absorbing knowledge to a level that actually intrigues me, are guaranteed, but I'll no doubt be prouder of the way this mindset represents me in school and hopefully the work I put in will be reciprocated and I'll walk out of school feeling enlightened and enthralled by education. Something like that. I do recall Mr. Allen saying something not long ago that really made every minute homework assignment seem a little more worthwhile, something along the lines of "a great liberal arts education is achieved by understanding as much as you can about as much as you can" (that's not a direct quote), but that helps me think that what I'm doing is important, interesting, and well worth my effort to share my own thoughts, because it will all pay-off and be reciprocated some day, in some way. And that's pretty cool" - (from Atticus's blog)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
First Semester Learning
Reflecting on this past year (2011), I realized it may not have been the most fun or carefree year, but I definitely appreciated as a year of growth, more so than I've ever been conscious of before. I'm much more aware of my thoughts and how they've shifted this past year, along with many other aspects of my life, school being no exception.
This past semester I've no doubt learned something nearly every school day, but it's been a more unconventional type of learning, not what typically comes to mind when you think of public high school. What I've learned, about myself and my thoughts, hasn't been the traditional writing exercises and boring literature associated with 10th grade English. My learning hasn't really been about a specific idea or school topic at all, it's more been learning how to learn. Although that may sound pretty vague, it's how I'd describe what I've learned so far this year, I've learned how to open my mind to new ways of thinking and doing.
Writing the original poem, for example, was something that required a lot more mental stretching than I would've thought. It's not like I was learning how to write a poem though, that's not really something that can be taught, it's something that's gradually learned through time and experience. What I really learned through the process was how to take direction and the opinions of someone else, even if I didn't necessarily agree with them, as a way of gaining new insight and perspective. Writing the poem became much more an exercise in working outside my comfort zone, because I was working within a process I wouldn't have used if I were on my own and I was taking into serious account another person's opinions in an attempt to ultimately better my own writing. This was a new way of working for me, and it provided me with an interesting perspective shift that I wasn't used to working with, which is why I feel that it is probably the most valuable thing I've picked up from the poetry writing process. Not to say that poetry writing isn't valuable, I just think learning new styles of thinking has been more my focus this semester, a focus that is much more complex and thought intensive than textbook or curriculum based learning.
When things do get very thought intensive and stretch the mind past its comfort zone, I've found it increasingly important to sort of take stock of my thoughts and organize myself. Keeping with the repetitive word theme (learning how to learn) I've noticed that I've been doing a lot more thinking about my thinking, blogging (this blog in particular) being an easy way of doing so. When my thoughts get confusing or overly complex, which seems to be happening this year more than ever, usually the best thing to do is just decompress and reorganize my mind to relax it a little bit. With my creative thought being pushed further than school ever has in the past combined with the fact that I'm trying to figure out what my life after high school might look like (see blog 4), my head can get pretty jumbled. But, I've found I'm learning more, about myself and how I think, through blogging and metacognition than any assignment I've slaved over in the past. On more than one occasion while writing these blogs I've felt a sort of "a-ha!" moment where I think of something really insightful that I knew had been buried in my mind somewhere, but I'd just uncovered it then. I can feel that my thoughts are progressing and changing, I'm definitely not the same person I was in August, and I've found one of the most important things I've learned this year to be how to keep up with them while continuing to keep my mind open to more development and growth.
My learning this year has been very introverted so far. Not that it's a bad thing (at least I hope not), but I've noticed a lot of my "mental breakthroughs" have been within my own head, not something like an assignment I've written. I know I've taken pretty big steps to becoming a better learner and thinker, but there are always things I'll be able to do better. The best thing I can do right now is to just continue to open myself up to other people's ideas, and keep in mind that I'm not always right, it's a lot easier to learn when you're willing to admit you're wrong. I think I could also work on taking advice less personally, because I've realized I can get offended pretty easily when my thoughts are challenged. As for now, I guess I should just keep doing what I've been doing lately, learning how to learn and thinking about how to think. If I've seen positive results from things like opening my mind and reorganizing it with things like blogs, then I might as well continue. I've come to terms with the fact that this may not be a year where everything makes sense, I get confused and disorganized pretty often lately, but I think I've made quantum leaps on how deep my mind works and how it's really matured. So even if this does turn out to be a sort of utility year where all I seem to do is a lot of thinking and contemplating, I can definitely appreciate the learning I've done and the growth I've made as a thinker and as a person (cliché as that may sound)
January 5, 2011
This past semester I've no doubt learned something nearly every school day, but it's been a more unconventional type of learning, not what typically comes to mind when you think of public high school. What I've learned, about myself and my thoughts, hasn't been the traditional writing exercises and boring literature associated with 10th grade English. My learning hasn't really been about a specific idea or school topic at all, it's more been learning how to learn. Although that may sound pretty vague, it's how I'd describe what I've learned so far this year, I've learned how to open my mind to new ways of thinking and doing.
Writing the original poem, for example, was something that required a lot more mental stretching than I would've thought. It's not like I was learning how to write a poem though, that's not really something that can be taught, it's something that's gradually learned through time and experience. What I really learned through the process was how to take direction and the opinions of someone else, even if I didn't necessarily agree with them, as a way of gaining new insight and perspective. Writing the poem became much more an exercise in working outside my comfort zone, because I was working within a process I wouldn't have used if I were on my own and I was taking into serious account another person's opinions in an attempt to ultimately better my own writing. This was a new way of working for me, and it provided me with an interesting perspective shift that I wasn't used to working with, which is why I feel that it is probably the most valuable thing I've picked up from the poetry writing process. Not to say that poetry writing isn't valuable, I just think learning new styles of thinking has been more my focus this semester, a focus that is much more complex and thought intensive than textbook or curriculum based learning.
When things do get very thought intensive and stretch the mind past its comfort zone, I've found it increasingly important to sort of take stock of my thoughts and organize myself. Keeping with the repetitive word theme (learning how to learn) I've noticed that I've been doing a lot more thinking about my thinking, blogging (this blog in particular) being an easy way of doing so. When my thoughts get confusing or overly complex, which seems to be happening this year more than ever, usually the best thing to do is just decompress and reorganize my mind to relax it a little bit. With my creative thought being pushed further than school ever has in the past combined with the fact that I'm trying to figure out what my life after high school might look like (see blog 4), my head can get pretty jumbled. But, I've found I'm learning more, about myself and how I think, through blogging and metacognition than any assignment I've slaved over in the past. On more than one occasion while writing these blogs I've felt a sort of "a-ha!" moment where I think of something really insightful that I knew had been buried in my mind somewhere, but I'd just uncovered it then. I can feel that my thoughts are progressing and changing, I'm definitely not the same person I was in August, and I've found one of the most important things I've learned this year to be how to keep up with them while continuing to keep my mind open to more development and growth.
My learning this year has been very introverted so far. Not that it's a bad thing (at least I hope not), but I've noticed a lot of my "mental breakthroughs" have been within my own head, not something like an assignment I've written. I know I've taken pretty big steps to becoming a better learner and thinker, but there are always things I'll be able to do better. The best thing I can do right now is to just continue to open myself up to other people's ideas, and keep in mind that I'm not always right, it's a lot easier to learn when you're willing to admit you're wrong. I think I could also work on taking advice less personally, because I've realized I can get offended pretty easily when my thoughts are challenged. As for now, I guess I should just keep doing what I've been doing lately, learning how to learn and thinking about how to think. If I've seen positive results from things like opening my mind and reorganizing it with things like blogs, then I might as well continue. I've come to terms with the fact that this may not be a year where everything makes sense, I get confused and disorganized pretty often lately, but I think I've made quantum leaps on how deep my mind works and how it's really matured. So even if this does turn out to be a sort of utility year where all I seem to do is a lot of thinking and contemplating, I can definitely appreciate the learning I've done and the growth I've made as a thinker and as a person (cliché as that may sound)
January 5, 2011
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